Nothing less than happy

No longer wondering what coulda been I wondered that for way too long.
The grass is so green on this side, but I don’t want you to see. You’ll kill it-
Just because I think about it doesn’t mean I want it- doesn’t mean I miss it. Think of it because it makes me see how much better I’ve got it. So lucky that it’s over.
I have all that I need right now- forever.

So many of us have experienced heartbreak. Sometimes it feels like a death, like something that we’ll never get over. Time is such an amazing thing. A healer- not an eraser, but a great pair of glasses to see all of the beautiful things that we have learned, of what is waiting for us.

Letting go of hurt feelings, pain and bitterness is the best medicine. Holding on to those things are what keep us stuck in the past. It’s normal to feel those things at first. But the only ones who hurt from it is you.

Look back at it all before it was officially “over,” was it over even before that? For me, the answer is the loudest YES! That I could possibly yell from the top of my lungs. Seeing the signs made me work even harder to try and fix it. Apparently me reacting to shit thrown my way, to being disrespected, lied to, made me the problem.

Through the years, three of them, I can now see that it was a long test to prepare me, to knock me down a bit and see what I’m really made of.

If I wrote them out, the list of red flags would hit the floor. I’m so much smarter. Some might say that those years were a waste. I should have walked and not have put up with so much. But I didn’t want to fail.

So is love enough? A quick answer is yes. The true answer is yes, IF it’s coming from both of you-for each other. It’s not going to work if you’re the one doing all the work, putting in the effort- and it certainly won’t work if the other person is giving love to someone else.

It blows my mind that people take their partners for granted, treat them like they’re less than they are- like they aren’t worth the truth…aren’t worth love and respect. “Oh don’t mind me, it’s just my heart, my world you’re messing with” how does a person not react in a dramatic way when they’ve put all they had in to a relationship. It all has to mean something right?

When I look back at the person I was all of those years ago, I don’t recognize her. Broken, numb, angry. Never in my life has anyone ever made me feel that way. The love was gone, so was the like.

You’re not my friend. You’re my roommate I can’t stand. Rolling my eyes became an art form. My blood boiled. There wasn’t room for three: me, you, and your ego.

After, I think I was sad because I didn’t want to be lonely, but being alone was the best thing for me. I used the time to figure out what I wanted and more importantly, what I DIDN’T want. I won’t be disrespected. Either it’s 100 percent from both, or it won’t work.

Now, I’ve never been happier. I’ve found a relationship when I wasn’t even looking. The best time. Turned a boring Monday night into the beginning of a relationship with this person that is my best friend. Realize we all deserve love and respect. Don’t accept nothing less than happy.

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